A New Year

"but i fear i have nothing to give i have so much to lose here in this lonely place tangled up in your embrace there's nothing i'd like better than to fall but i fear i have nothing to give"

Sara McLachlan ~ Fear

This leads me to the New Year. I am the one who usually says: "No, I am not or have not made any resolutions." Going into 2008, I have made a resolution. I am letting go of a fear that resides deep inside of me. This is a giant leap of faith, for me that speaks volumes since I do not prescribe to faith.

Trust is something I lost a very long time ago. I have begun to realize that at some point I need to allow myself to trust, so why not begin the day after my 20/20 year. Let me begin with trusting myself, trusting and allowing my feelings freely.

I allow a sly little smile to creep up one side of my mouth thinking, I should put a yeah right at the end of the paragraph before this.

Yeah right, I don't want to anymore, she says smiling to herself knowing that she will occasionally slip on this point, but convinced that this is the right direction and she will succeed.

Smudge

Look at her fingers - she's gonna be a rockstar.

So tonight I am reminded why I do not want kids of my own especially now that mine are 18 & 19. Poor Smudgie just could not "settle down." She kept spitting out her binky and scream - man that girl has some lungs on her. I tell ya, patience is not my best quality and I had to practice it tonight and the girl child was only gone about 1/2 hour. It is difficult to try to figure out what's the conflict in your world little eggplant. I finally got the plug in her mouth and she kept it there, I put her in her stroller which is now a fixture in my dining room and pushed it back and forth - she fell asleep just in time for her mother to get home. That is my luck - someone find me a binky and soak it in Patron.